āComing to the stage tonightā¦ itās Jordan Baylor!ā
I take long steps with the confidence of a young Dave Chappelle as I head to the stage.
Iām getting ready to perform at San Diegoās Improv Comedy Clubās open mic night.
The yearā¦ 2013.
Material memorized. Check.
Practiced delivery. Check.
Took a āsuccess shitā before going on stage?ā¦Double-check.
Iāve got this!
The MC adjusts the mic to my height (Iām taller than he is) and with the lights in my faceā¦
Iām handed the mic.
And as soon as I look at the audienceā¦ my brain becomes as empty as a Costco shelf after a natural disaster.
I look at the audience and I began an out-of-body experience where Iām watching myself on stage, just empty. Saying nothing.
Iām staring into the eyes of the audience like this was a preplanned staring contest.
Time slowed and everyone was looking at me, and I just stared back. My body language held the awkwardness of 3,000 Michael Ceraās.
Something in me shifted as my mind blanked, but the crazy thing was that I no longer cared that I blanked.
āF-itā, it became a game in my head, I wanted to see how long I could endure the embarrassment of blanking on stage.
I held on for another 20 seconds (Trust me 20 seconds of 75 people staring at you saying nothing is a long ass time).
So to save face I said āThis isnāt going to work outā and I stepped offstage like Iād broken up with the audience.
(*Gotta leave them before they get the chance to take away their love from you, eh)
āNo one likes to feel embarrassment.ā
Words that rang through my head as I relished in my supposed failure.
I realized that even though I didnāt get a chance to perform my jokes I had accidentally conquered a fear of mine.
When I started standup I had two greatest fears:
Bombingā¦(Which Iāll tell ya bout later)
Blanking and forgetting my jokes.
Ģ¶TĢ¶hĢ¶rĢ¶oĢ¶wĢ¶iĢ¶nĢ¶gĢ¶ Ģ¶uĢ¶pĢ¶ Ģ¶oĢ¶nĢ¶ Ģ¶CĢ¶hĢ¶eĢ¶vĢ¶yĢ¶ Ģ¶CĢ¶hĢ¶aĢ¶sĢ¶eĢ¶ (My therapist tells me thatās a dream and not a valid fear)
I scratched one of the two off my listā¦. I could now move on.
I had 75 people stare at me in silenceā¦and I didnāt die, my neck didnāt even get hot like I thought it would.
I stared into the abyss and all I saw was me.
I felt an adrenaline rush like the first time Iād performed standup, where I placed 2nd for best performance of the evening and got over my public speaking fear.
So youāre asking yourselfā¦What the hell does that have to do with me?
Iām not telling you to go out and fail intentionally but what I am asking you to do is to throw caution to the wind.
The first few moments your neck is going to get hot, youāre going to feel uncomfortable, but you wonāt die like you thought you would.
What would happen if you posted that goofy picture you thought was funny, but you were scared it would offend a friend, or wouldnāt get the right amount of likes, because āItās not peak posting time?ā
Iāve got a secret for youā¦ No one cares.
If you honestly think anyone thinks about your Instagram feed for longer than 10 secondsā¦.I hate to break it to you, Chief.
No one cares.
Like at all, weāre too busy focused on our own shit. Weāre all self absorbed, I thought you knew.
So why not just post the shit you really wanted to post in the first place.
Create the art that entertains you.